


misconceptions and expectations

by MapleLeafSquareRoot



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Anal Play, Anal Sex, Barebacking, M/M, handjobs, poking fun at fanfic sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2021-02-26 16:55:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21611689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MapleLeafSquareRoot/pseuds/MapleLeafSquareRoot
Summary: Here’s the chronicles of six times Patrick’s behaviour during sex was influenced by his reading of fanfiction - five assumptions that turned out to be erroneous, and one that was wonderfully correct.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 74
Kudos: 165





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NoahRose27](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoahRose27/gifts), [DisgruntledPelican](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DisgruntledPelican/gifts).



The depths to which a young Patrick Brewer had descended into Buffy the Vampire Slayer fandom, or the degree to which he ‘shipped’ Spike and Angel, was something that Patrick kept to himself. He made sure to clear his internet history after every session, used a throwaway email account for chatting on Yahoo and in Usenet threads, and never, ever, discussed even his most favourite fanfiction with anyone that knew him in real life. 

By the time he was dating David Rose, Patrick had had plenty of sex with women, seen his fair share of Playboy and Hustler magazines, and watched enough porn to have at least buried sex-according-to-fanfic deep in the recesses of his mind. Or so he thought.

Here’s the chronicles of six times Patrick’s behaviour during sex was influenced by his reading of fanfiction - five assumptions that turned out to be erroneous, and one that was wonderfully correct.


	2. Spit

Whether it was intentional or not, David had been driving Patrick crazy all day. From the way he smoothed labels on the bottles of body milk to the way he bit his thumb as he doodled in his notebook during a lull. Maybe also the way he swung his hips to the light jazz playing overhead while he dusted, or how he licked the remnants of his iced pumpkin scone off his fingers. Whatever it was, it was no surprise then, that Patrick had him backed up against the wall in the back room shortly after close. 

Patrick made quick work of removing David’s sweater, folding it carefully on the desk, before resuming his aggressive attack on David’s lips, ears, and neck. He rubbed his hands up and down David’s flank and chest, and David returned the favour, cupping Patrick’s ass and pulling him closer. Both men groaned upon contact of their clothed erections. 

Patrick broke the kiss just long enough to restore the flow of oxygen to his brain, and secure enthusiastic permission to pull David’s pants down to his knees, leaving his hard cock exposed and wanting. 

Patrick let go of David’s hip, bringing his left hand up to his mouth, and licking a long stripe across his palm before reaching for David’s cock. With a slightly horrified expression, and surprisingly quick reflexes, David grabbed Patrick’s wrist before it made it south of his waistline. 

“Oh, honey, no. Spit just dries out.” David reached over to his satchel on the desk, pulling out a small bottle of lube, and handed that to Patrick with a smile. 


	3. Shoulder bite

Knowing Ray would be back in a matter of hours, David and Patrick wasted no time getting their hands on each other as soon as they arrived at the house. Clothes tossed aside, Patrick straddled David, thrusting into David’s well-lubed hand that held both of them. As he felt the inevitable approach of an orgasm, Patrick’s head fell to David’s shoulder, gaining a bit more purchase with which to leverage his thrusts. With the right twist of David’s wrist, Patrick came first, and just as he was coming back down, David soon followed. Patrick turned his head towards David, but instead of kissing him through his orgasm, he found the meaty head of David’s shoulder and bit down. Hard.

“Ow! What the fuck?” David cried out, dropping their softening cocks, and rubbing his clean hand over the bite. 


	4. Bruises

Patrick awoke first. Of course. He always did. Before he got out of bed, he pressed a soft kiss to David’s temple, who snuffled and rolled over in response. Patrick padded to the bathroom, grabbing a fresh towel on the way. As the water warmed up and steam began to fill the bathroom, Patrick considered himself in the mirror. While this wasn’t the first morning he had woken up with David in his bed, this was the first morning that he had woken up with David, in his bed, having had the most mind-blowing penetrative sex of his life the night before. After they had cleaned up from the Open Mic Night, David had been keen to show his appreciation for Patrick’s performance in every way possible, including them finally taking the next step in their physical relationship. Patrick remembered how David had held so tightly to his hips as Patrick thrust so deep into him, so tightly that Patrick was certain David would have left bruises.

He looked down at his hips. No physical evidence of David’s firm hold remained. 


	5. Prostate

It seemed as though the world was conspiring against them. Patrick had recently confessed to David that he wanted to try bottoming, but it seemed impossible for them to find any privacy, and David steadfastly refused to introduce any sort of anal play to Patrick in anything less than a sanitary and comfortable environment. Finally,  _ finally _ , Ray was away for the night, attending a Christmas Tree pruning workshop in Elmdale, and David had come over with a bag packed, and an itinerary fifteen steps long. 

All was going well.  _ Very well _ if the sounds coming from Patrick were any indication, and David was pleased with how well Patrick was taking a couple of fingers in his ass for the first time. David crooked his fingers slightly, pressing up against the small gland near his perineum. Patrick stilled, and shifted a little uncomfortably. David stroked his prostate lightly a couple of times, which made Patrick feel a little like he had to pee, and not at all like the fireworks he had anticipated. Patrick made a mental note to ask David about that later, but David’s steady attention to Patrick’s pleasure, however, pushed that thought right out of his head. 


	6. Clean-up

Patrick pulled out of David slowly and rolled over onto his side. David hummed contentedly, pulling Patrick’s hand in and kissing each one of his knuckles. 

“You go first, honey.” he murmured, closing his eyes.

Patrick got up and shakily made his way to the bathroom. He ran a quick shower, towelled off, and dampened a washcloth with warm water for David. The decision to forego the use of condoms had not been made lightly, and Patrick wanted to take care of David, to show him how loved and appreciated his trust was. 

David was paging through social media on his phone, when Patrick came out of the bathroom, washcloth in hand. 

“What’s that?” he asked.

“A washcloth, to clean you up, before you sleep,” Patrick replied with a smile.

“Oh honey, no. No washcloth is gonna clean this up. I need a bath.”

With that, David hopped off the bed, heading towards the bathroom. 


	7. Love

Patrick felt boneless. Like he was floating. Like he had been lying in bed, trying to recover his breath for hours, days, decades, centuries even. Coming down from an orgasm that had him seeing white and not being able to tell exactly which noises were coming from him, and which were coming from David. He was unable to speak. The last hour had been too much, and not enough, and all of the hyperbole of making love that he’d read as a teen in fanfiction had sprung to life. He looked over at David, who was grinning dopily at the four golden rings on his left hand. 

“I love you, David.” he croaked out, tears filling his eyes.

“I love you, too. Your ass is leaking, go clean up.” David returned with a smirk. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this bout of silliness!


End file.
